What follows is the written examination to receive an official License to Print Money.
At Art Basel, you have the right-of-way to a Twombly if:
A. You used to run Gazprom.
B. You’re third in line to the Saudi throne.
C. Gagosian feels pressure to laugh at your bad jokes.
You wish to moor your superyacht at the Port de Saint-Tropez, but some children are fishing in a canoe near the slip. You should order the captain to:
A. Sound the horn.
B. Pelt the children with €2 coins.
C. Proceed full steam ahead.
A solid white line of cocaine parallel to a broken white line of cocaine indicates:
A. The IPO went very, very well.
B. The IPO went very, very poorly.
C. It’s Fashion Week.
Which of the following is NOT required when registering a private island?
A. Documentation of the island’s make, model, and geologic history
B. Proof of rising-sea-level insurance
C. Blessing of the indigenous people
When ordering another round of caviar, what is the proper way to signal?
A. Extend your left arm horizontally, angle your forearm downward, and point at the empty plate.
B. Extend your right arm vertically, gesticulate wildly, and yell threats in Russian.
C. Extend both arms forward, and text your assistant to deal with this already.
Which of the following must you obey over the other two?
A. Your spouse
B. Your lawyer
C. Your spouse’s lawyer
While skiing your mountain in St. Moritz, the weather worsens and visibility drops. You should:
A. Make a controlled parallel turn off the trail and wait out the storm.
B. Adopt a tuck position and get to the bottom quickly.
C. Neither of the above. You are not in St. Moritz to ski but to pack your chalet’s hot tub with rowdy heiresses.
Is it legal to talk on the phone while operating a polo pony?
A. No. All calls must be placed between the second and third chukkas.
B. Yes, provided the phone is held in the non-mallet palm.
C. Yes, provided the phone is hands-free and houndstooth enabled.
You may pass another helicopter on the right if:
A. The FBI is removing boxes from your office.
B. Your Tibetan Mastiff is choking on his Kobe beef bone.
C. The models are out of Champagne.
Which of the following is NOT permitted in a Horace Mann School zone?
A. Three-martini lunches
B. High-stakes baccarat
C. Bunga bunga parties